What bullying does to you

I read a blog post about God and gays today. The post was so incredibly inspiring that I wanted to write a little something myself.

Bullying.

Just like with being in the minority in today's world (gay / lesbian / trans etc etc), bullying makes you completely isolated from everything. It hurts. You bottle up all the emotions you go through. It makes you confused. Why are these people doing this to me? What have I done to deserve this? Why is nobody stepping up to help me? Do I dare to speak to anyone, what if it only feeds my bullies even more? Why am I still here? Those were the questions that I kept asking myself a few years back. It slowly destroyed me inside.

It all started from a small thing. I "dated" (we were 13, can't exactly call it dating) this guy for a few months and when he broke it off, I started getting abuse from him. 'Whore' became my new nickname. At first it was just this guy and his friends in our class, but slowly it started spreading. The people in the year above me started calling me names. My friends helped me with it for a while, but slowly I could notice them turning their backs on me, one by one. The abuse started to target my looks. I wasn't skinny, I didn't have nice hair, I didn't use a lot of make up. I was just a normal 13 year old who didn't think that looks weren't the most important thing in the world at the time and that seemed to give my bullies the perfect ammunition to beat me down even more.

Obviously as a byproduct of bullying my grades started suffering. I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to go to bed because that only meant that tomorrow would come quicker and I'd have to face my bullies again. I skipped school. I just didn't have the energy to focus on my schoolwork with all these negative thoughts filling my head every single day. I was too scared to talk to my mum about it because I knew that if I did, it'd all just blow up when everyone got involved. I knew that talking about my problems would fuel it up even more after my bullies got punished for what they did. They would've hated me even more, wanting to hurt me in ways that most likely would've destroyed me.

I put up with all this for such a long time. Eventually I made new friends in my class, people I never spoke to before. With their support I finally managed to go and talk to the head master of my school about changing classes. The thought of not having to spend six hours a day in the same room with my bullies made me feel so much better. Sure, I still had to walk past them every now and then while going to my class, but it sure was a huge leap for the better. The fresh environment gave me the opportunity to focus on my schoolwork again. The damage was done, sure, but at least now I had the chance to start healing.

Even now when I am 20, it still hurts. I struggle with my confidence from time to time, but having to go through such a terrible thing in a vulnerable age has made me stronger as a person. I do think about how it changed me. What if I was popular back then? What kind of a person would I be now? Because of my past I understand what it feels like to be different or 'outcast'. I know how much it hurts when people say nasty things to you just because you don't blend in. I can relate to people with similar problems - and believe me, I have helped quite a few people with issues like this.

So, what if I never went through bullying in school? Would I be narrow minded? Would I hate the thought of people that are different? Would I make fun of someone who has the guts to dress differently to the general mass? I don't know. All I can say is that I am glad to be who I am today.

This is the first time I've spoken about bullying in such an open way. It took me SEVEN years to feel confident enough about it. It's not right. I just hope that people in a similar situation to mine will stumble across this post and have the courage to speak up instead of dwelling in that bad feeling and eventually doing something irreversible. Even if it's just online behind an internet alias. It is a start to a better future.

"This pizza deserves a blog post!"

I like making my own pizza when I have a craving for it. It's so simple and quick, and oh my god it tastes so good! I had to improvise today because we didn't have any canned tomatos and the sauce is so amazing! I decided to share my pizza recipe with the few people that actually read my blog haha. x

Preheat your oven to 220°

Base
3 dl water, body temp
1 teaspoon of salt
1 tablespoon of dry yeast / 45g active yeast
3 tablespoons of oil
~9 dl flour (I just add flour until the dough is firm and stops sticking)

Mix water, salt, yeast and oil in a bowl and start adding flour in small portions until the dough stops sticking. Let it rest while you prepare the rest of the pizza.

Topping
500 g mince
garlic
salt
black pepper
paprika
chilli powder
basil, dried or fresh

3 tomatoes
tomato pure and ketchup
~1 tablespoon of sugar (yes, sugar)

cheese

(feel free to add any optional toppings you like to have in a pizza, my personal favourite is pineapple)

Fry the mince and add garlic and the spices (add as much as or little as you want). Chop the tomatoes and add them in the pan. Add roughly four tablespoons of tomato pure and about 1 dl of ketchup, I didn't measure anything but went by the texture. Add a bit of water if needed to turn it all into a sauce and add sugar. It removes the bitterness of the pure and makes the sauce absolutely amazing.

I use baking parchment to cover the oven pans to make cleaning a bit more effortless, but whatever you decide to do simply "build" the pizza like usual on an oven pan. Put the pizza in the oven for 20 minutes. Enjoy. <3

Supersize vs Superskinny

This program is so lethal seriously. Every single time I end up watching it I just start thinking that I never want to eat again. Seeing the amount of food these overweight people consume is just so... insane. I think it's a good kick for me though, I never want to get that bad with food so I always start looking what I put in my mouth. I've had awful slips with my little losing weight project lately that I'm glad I watch this. :D

Then again it got me thinking. This program is about eating disorders and tries to make people think about their unhealthy eating habits. But what about some really really "ill" people, what if they only get even more excited when they see how badly other people eat and what their bodies are like because of it? I sure hope they just get a wakeup call and start working on fixing their eating habits.

I don't want to be skinny, I do quite like having a bit of fat on my bones but I do still want to lose a stone or so. I bumped into this picture ages ago and just had to dig it up again to paste it here. Yes, I do prefer the one on the right. She looks healthy and happy.

My lovely raidleader

I have this friend I play with, he was telling me how I should make every blog post about him the other day. I told him that maybe one day I'll write about his sense of humour. Well, I think I've facepalmed enough to finally write about it. :D

[G] [85:Meeria]: haha nah he went to get his hair cut, hes been waiting for a lift for hours haha
[G] [74:Combatlog]: weird place to get your hair cut
[G] [74:Combatlog]: id look for a barber, not a lift
[G] [85:Meeria]: :DDD
[G] [85:Meeria]: ass <3
[G] [74:Combatlog]: im assthonishing
[G] [74:Combatlog]: asstonishing even
[G] [85:Meeria]: lol oh god... :D

Two bad jokes in one conversation, gotta love him. <3 And he is my guild's raidleader, the amount of bad, AWFUL jokes he makes on some nights.. :D

Random Wednesday morning / early afternoon chats.. :D

I do get worried sometimes. :D Some of my friends are just so random, but at least they manage to make me laugh! <3 :D Name blurred because it's actually his real life full name, RealID displays the person's real name.

And as you can see from the time stamps they're all parts of different conversations. ^^

My slightly disturbed guildies.

Aydah: do the cupcakes live in harmony with the elephants or do they get eaten by the elephants :o
Meeria: and erm ada
Meeria: i dunno :D
Meeria: i think i need to find out someday
Aydah: QUESTIONS! SO MANY QUESTIOSN :o
Meeria: :D
Botixx: D:
Indrani: The cupcakes plot against the elephants
Aydah: it must be :O
Botixx: cupcakes eat the pink elephants !
Indrani: We aren't insane.
Indrani: Not at all :)
Botixx: i know i am not MY NAME IS BOTIXX THE CAMEL-HUMPER !
Aydah: not completely insane, soem parts are missing
Indrani: like my brain
Glow: .....
Indrani: That's not nice to call Glow a camel, botixx
Glow: ................!!!!!
Botixx: i know
Indrani: that line, i went over it
Botixx: but she has nice humps
Indrani: :DDD
Glow: O.o

Gotta love em. xx

100 truths

1. Real name: Piia Maria
2. Nickname: no actual nickname really
3. Zodiac Sign:Libra
4. Male or female: female
5. Elementary School: Mäntysen ala-aste (years 1-5), Sulkavan ala-aste (year 6), Sulkavan yläaste (years 7-9)
6. High School: Sulkavan lukio
7. College: Chichester college
8. Hair color: natural colour is blonde, at the moment it is sort of light brown
9. Tall or short: short! 161 cm / 5ft 3
11. Sweats or Jeans: jeans if I'm stepping a foot outside the house, sweats otherwise
12. Phone or Camera: phone
13. Health freak: not really
14. Orange or Apple: apple
15. Do you have a crush on someone?: nope
16. Eat or Drink: I drink water all the time :D
17. Piercings: only two sets of piercings in both ears
18. Pepsi or Coke: Coke

HAVE YOU EVER?
19. Been in an airplane: yes
20. Been in a relationship: yes
21. Been in a car accident:no
22. Been in a fist fight: no

FIRSTS & LASTS
23. First piercing: ears
24. First best friend: Jenna
25. First award: oh god I don't know :D I was fucking fail in sports, I never was good enough for competitions etc.. :D
26. First crush: haha my friend's brother
27. First word: my parents never told me that
29. Last person you talked to in person: Dan
30. Last person you texted: Dan
31. Last person you watched a movie with: Dan
32. Last food you ate: lasagne
33. Last movie you watched: Dodgeball
34. Last song you listen to: Rogue Traders - Voodoo Child
35. Last thing you bought: random bits of food from Tesco
36. Last person you hugged: Dan

FAVE:
37. Food: any sort of chicken will do
38. Drinks: water
39. Bottoms: bottoms? what? :D
40. Flower: rose
41. Animal: dog
42. Colors: green, orange
43. Movies: V for Vendetta, Black Swan, Sucker Punch
44. Subjects: art, music, history, English

(Put an X in the brackets if yes)
45. [x] fallen in love with someone.
46. [x] celebrated Halloween.
47. [x] had your heart broken.
48. [x] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone.
49. [ ] had someone question my sexual orientation.
51. [ ] got pregnant.
52. [x] danced naked
53. [x] did something I regret.
54. [x] broke a promise.
55. [x] hid a secret.
56. [x] pretended to be happy.
57. [x] met someone who changed your life.
58. [xxxxx] pretended to be sick.
 59.[x] left the country.
60. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it.
61. [xxx]cried over the silliest thing.
62. [x] ran a mile.
63. [ ] Went to the beach with your best friend.
64. [x] got into an argument with your friends.
65. [x] hated someone.
66. [x] stayed single for a whole year.

CURRENTLY:
67. Eating: nope
68. Drinking:bottle of water is calling my name
69. Listening: nothing
70. Sitting/Laying: sitting on the bed
71. Plans for today: seeing it's officially Tuesday, I'm going to go filming today
72. Waiting: for summer

YOUR FUTURE:
73. Want kids?: yes
 74. Want to get married?: yes
75. Career: something to do with media, web / graphics designer most likely

WHICH IS MORE ATTRACTIVE?: (CHOOSE ONE)
76. Lips or eyes: eyes
77. Shorter or taller: taller
78. Romantic or spontaneous? romantic
79. Nice stomach or nice arms?: arms
81. Hook-up or relationship?: relationship
82. Looks or personality?: personality

HAVE YOU EVER:
83. Lost glasses/contacts: no
84. Snuck out of a house: yes
85. Held a gun/knife for self defense: no
86. Killed somebody: no
87. Broken someone's heart: yes
88. Been in love: yes
89. Cried when someone died: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90: Yourself?: haha sometimes
91. Miracles: yes
92. Love at first sight: no
93. Heaven: no
94. Santa Clause: no
95. Sex on the first date: no
96. Kiss on the first date: yes, why not?

TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: yes
98. Do you know who your real friends are?: yes
99. Do you believe in God: not one bit
100. Post as 100 truths?: yes